Throughout my life, I’ve used “my friend” and “cuz” as terms of endearment. They aren’t just empty phrases, I try to mean it and live it.
You don’t have to hang out with me every weekend to be “my friend” — and if you go back far enough in history, we’re all distant “cousins” at some point.
If you or your family are from Pacolet, SC or surrounding areas — or if some of your family tree rubbed somewhere alongside my family tree, I’ve probably called you “cuz”. Once a judge even overheard me saying this to an officer of the court and it caused some confusion because the question came up of whether or not we were truly related. Lol.
What does being a “friend” even look like as an adult? It’s no longer whose door you knock on to ask to come outside and play. It’s not even who is on your list of social media connections.
It’s who you’re willing to “lose something for” in order that they might “gain something”. It’s those people who you aren’t just in a transactional “this for that” type of exchange. If you’re only loving someone for what you get out of them, that isn’t love, it is trade. I give and provide for a wife, because that is love. If I was only doing “fair trade” with her, she would have a very different title. And friendship isn’t just the people you’ve figured out how to “fair trade” with either.
Building friends can take time and can be messy.
I’m not going to enable every request that comes to me for cash handouts, nor am I going to let every possible threat to my family move in and live with us. I won’t bail every one of you out of jail for your repeated foolishness, and only some of you would I be willing to dig a hole with in the middle of the night. Healthy boundaries exist as guardrails, but not as impenetrable walls between us.
I got to spend time turning wrenches with a friend recently one night, and I’ve gotten to spend a lot of time doing concrete work here at the house alongside “my favorite people who call me Daddy”. I work every day alongside friends who care about each other and about the work that we do. I have family that checks in on me and that I get to remember the good old days with. So I know that I’m blessed with all of “my friends” and all of my “cuz”.
What does the wise Word of God teach us about “true friendship”?
Friends encourage us to our highest good (1 Thessalonians 5:11)
Friends forgive each other and help each other in difficulties (Colossians 3:13; Ecclesiastes 4:10).
Friends do not gossip or listen to gossip, allowing it to hurt the friendship (Proverbs 16:28)
Friends stick around even when things get difficult, being reliable (Proverbs 18:24).
Friends give pleasant, sincere advice, seeking our highest good (Proverbs 27:9; Proverbs 12:26)
Friends honor each other above themselves (Romans 12:10).
Friends love each other the same way Christ loves us (John 15:12-13)
Friends challenge each other to meet the highest good (Proverbs 27:17).
Friends are not bad-tempered (Proverbs 22:24-25);
Friends never withhold kindness and mercy (Job 6:14).
The wise Word of God also teaches us about “true family” — about a family rooted in Love that goes beyond the blood of our relatives and that runs deeper than the roots of our ancestry. Jesus alludes to this wonderful truth in the book of Mark:
Mark 3:31-35 ESV
[31] And his mother and his brothers came, and standing outside they sent to him and called him. [32] And a crowd was sitting around him, and they said to him, “Your mother and your brothers are outside, seeking you.” [33] And he answered them, “Who are my mother and my brothers?” [34] And looking about at those who sat around him, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! [35] For whoever does the will of God, he is my brother and sister and mother.”
So, my friends, (who love honor, serve and encourage each other) and my family, (who love, honor, serve and do the will of God), I’m looking forward to what today has in store for us! May His Kingdom come, His will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Amen!
Love you, my friends! Love you, cuz!
Harold J. Ballinger 