Year: 2024

Fixable? Figure-out-able? Or Surrender-able?

A friend at work is just beginning the journey of caring for her father who is diagnosed with Alzheimers and Dementia. We spoke yesterday through a wonderful mix of tears, shared pain and encouragement as the work  continued to buzz around us. I shared how my family dealt with it, some of the things we learned, some of the very difficult things, and some of the hours and blessings. I even admitted how it is still a source of wrestling in my prayers with the Lord, that I’m sometimes ashamed of the times that it was too much for me to handle emotionally at times and I had to distance myself from the situation, and how it challenged my faith in difficult yet beautiful ways.

This morning’s YouVersion Bible app Daily Verse is very applicable:

For context:

‭Philippians 4:4-7 NLT‬
[4] Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! [5] Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. [6] Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. [7] Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

https://bible.com/bible/116/php.4.4-7.NLT

A cousin posted this morning, “Im trying to be strong, just don’t know how much longer it’s gonna last….” and I was reminded of the story of a young boy struggling with all his might while his father stood by watching.

I let him know that this story was helpful to me and I shared the link: https://kimberlyjoyauthor.com/using-all-your-strength/

So many times, I’ve thought too myself, “It’s okay. Everything is fixable.” Or “It’s okay. Everything is ‘figureoutable’.” But there are times where it isn’t. There are times when it is too much for me. There are times where it is too much for a good therapist or even a good support system to help me through. I need these times to truly reveal that I am not self-sufficient, that I am not without need for God to play His role in my life. As hard as those moments are and have been, they are also sweet and precious.

Sometimes we get past “fixable” or “figure-outable” to moments that are truly only “surrender-able”.

Lord, I’m sorry that sometimes I’ve kept you at a distance, living my life trying to figure out and fix everything on my own. But please don’t let my shame of not including you let me think that you’ve been far away. You’ve been there the whole time, watching me learn, and letting me grow, waiting patiently alongside even when my focus was fully on my task at hand (or distracted). Help me to not cry over my weakness but to instead be in awe at your strength and faithfulness and love to be by my side through it all. Amen.

True Friends and Family

Throughout my life, I’ve used “my friend” and “cuz” as terms of endearment. They aren’t just empty phrases, I try to mean it and live it.

You don’t have to hang out with me every weekend to be “my friend” — and if you go back far enough in history, we’re all distant “cousins” at some point.

If you or your family are from Pacolet, SC or surrounding areas — or if some of your family tree rubbed somewhere alongside my family tree, I’ve probably called you “cuz”. Once a judge even overheard me saying this to an officer of the court and it caused some confusion because the question came up of whether or not we were truly related. Lol.

What does being a “friend” even look like as an adult? It’s no longer whose door you knock on to ask to come outside and play. It’s not even who is on your list of social media connections.

It’s who you’re willing to “lose something for” in order that they might “gain something”. It’s those people who you aren’t just in a transactional “this for that” type of exchange. If you’re only loving someone for what you get out of them, that isn’t love, it is trade. I give and provide for a wife, because that is love. If I was only doing “fair trade” with her, she would have a very different title. And friendship isn’t just the people you’ve figured out how to “fair trade” with either.

Building friends can take time and can be messy.

I’m not going to enable every request that comes to me for cash handouts, nor am I going to let every possible threat to my family move in and live with us. I won’t bail every one of you out of jail for your repeated foolishness, and only some of you would I be willing to dig a hole with in the middle of the night. Healthy boundaries exist as guardrails, but not as impenetrable walls between us.

I got to spend time turning wrenches with a friend recently one night, and I’ve gotten to spend a lot of time doing concrete work here at the house alongside “my favorite people who call me Daddy”. I work every day alongside friends who care about each other and about the work that we do. I have family that checks in on me and that I get to remember the good old days with. So I know that I’m blessed with all of “my friends” and all of my “cuz”.

What does the wise Word of God teach us about “true friendship”?

Friends encourage us to our highest good (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

Friends forgive each other and help each other in difficulties (Colossians 3:13; Ecclesiastes 4:10).

Friends do not gossip or listen to gossip, allowing it to hurt the friendship (Proverbs 16:28)

Friends stick around even when things get difficult, being reliable (Proverbs 18:24).

Friends give pleasant, sincere advice, seeking our highest good (Proverbs 27:9; Proverbs 12:26)

Friends honor each other above themselves (Romans 12:10).

Friends love each other the same way Christ loves us (John 15:12-13)

Friends challenge each other to meet the highest good (Proverbs 27:17).

Friends are not bad-tempered (Proverbs 22:24-25);

Friends never withhold kindness and mercy (Job 6:14).

The wise Word of God also teaches us about “true family” — about a family rooted in Love that goes beyond the blood of our relatives and that runs deeper than the roots of our ancestry. Jesus alludes to this wonderful truth in the book of Mark:

‭Mark 3:31-35 ESV‬
[31] And his mother and his brothers came, and standing outside they sent to him and called him. [32] And a crowd was sitting around him, and they said to him, “Your mother and your brothers are outside, seeking you.” [33] And he answered them, “Who are my mother and my brothers?” [34] And looking about at those who sat around him, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! [35] For whoever does the will of God, he is my brother and sister and mother.”

So, my friends, (who love honor, serve and encourage each other) and my family, (who love, honor, serve and do the will of God), I’m looking forward to what today has in store for us! May His Kingdom come, His will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Amen!

Love you, my friends! Love you, cuz!