“Iron Sharpening Iron” isn’t giving others unsolicited advice/criticism, it isn’t judging/shaming others, and it isn’t sparring/debating back and forth using religious/theological concepts and apologetics against each other.
Proverbs 27:17-22 NLT
[17] As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend. [18] As workers who tend a fig tree are allowed to eat the fruit, so workers who protect their employer’s interests will be rewarded. [19] As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person. [20] Just as Death and Destruction are never satisfied, so human desire is never satisfied. [21] Fire tests the purity of silver and gold, but a person is tested by being praised. [22] You cannot separate fools from their foolishness, even though you grind them like grain with mortar and pestle.
In religious circles, Psalm 27 verse 17 is quoted loudly by many who see themselves as great warriors for Jesus — sharpening their swords for battle against others, competing to see who is strongest and who deserves the seat closest to Jesus. Even Jesus’s disciples when he walked this Earth fell into this prideful trap of the enemy.
Luke 22:24-30
The disciples argued over who would be the greatest in the kingdom. Jesus interrupted their argument, saying that the greatest among them should be like the youngest, and the leader should act like a servant. He also said, “For who is greater, he who sits at the table, or he who serves? Is it not he who sits at the table?'”. Jesus responded, “Yet I am among you as the One who serves”.
Matthew 18:1-6
The disciples asked Jesus, “Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” . Jesus called a child to him, set him in the middle of them, and said, “Unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven”. He continued, “Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven”.
We see in scripture that Jesus halted their egos with His humility.
In Proverbs 27, we see multiple verses in a parallel format together with verse 17 that (just like Jesus’s respose to the error of his disciples) should halt any egos that begin to inflate when reading verse 17.
Let’s see what the following parallel verses declare.
Verse 18 isn’t about battling or sparring or debating — it is about “tending” and “protecting” being what brings reward. Pay attention to the “tone” of this whole section.
Verses 19, 20 and 21 lay out how the heart and its desires reveal the real person — by what they desire — and that all men desire to be praised. But it talks about being tested — tested by praise. In fact, it compares the purifying process for precious metals to the use of praise to purify and test men.
So “Iron Sharpening Iron” as described in verse 17, is clarified in verse 21 as a process that involves “praise” being used to test and purify — not criticism, not judgement, not debate — but praise.
And just to bring the point home, verse 22 assures you that criticism, judgement and debate (grinding a fool like grain in a mortar and pestle) will not separate them from their foolishness. The Word of God clearly tells us that applying pressure by way of men’s effort is not the way that this works.
The error in most of our thinking when our egos lead the way (mine included has led me wrong on this before) on this subject is that when they hear Iron Sharpens Iron, they imagine two swordsmen fighting one another — and they imagine themselves as the swordsmen instead of the sword. The scripture does not say that two swordsmen sharpen one another, it says that “iron sharpens iron”. In this analogy “as it is written”, the sword doesn’t itself do anything amazing or heroic to sharpen itself against another sword. No! It is the work of the master swordsman that does the work at his wheel sharpening and readying the sword for battle. In fact, knocking two swords forcibly against each other only serves to dull the blades, not sharpen them.
Do we seek praise for any good work the Lord is doing to sharpen us, or do we give it to God?
Do we criticize, condemn or debate against others — internally giving praise to our own egos in contrast to what we are giving to them — instead of giving all praise to the only one who is worthy of praise?
What if we did praise others instead of offering unsolicited advice, instead of criticizing, instead of judging, instead of debating — might our humility and gentleness and kindness leave room for God to do His purifying work?
Isn’t this why “friend sharpens friend”?
Some might say “we’re good enough friends that we can hurt each others feelings with truth in love” or “we’re good enough friends that we can hold each other accountable and criticize each other with truth in love”. But if someone is being foolish, this is not how these verses — especially not verse 22 — tells us to effectively remove them from their foolishness, purify them, tend to them, or sharpen them.
I’m not saying this to be contrary to anyone else’s sermon or study or approach to this verse. In fact, I praise so many who have encouraged each other and called each other to live more holy and dependent upon God with verse 17 as a rallying cry. Maybe this is what God needs for me to hear right now and right here, and it is valuable daily bread just for me right now at this very moment.
So what do I need to hear?
When someone gives me unsolicited advice, criticism, etc. — I need to not let my ego be so upset that it wasn’t stroked or inflated instead. My expectation shouldn’t be that I’m worthy of people’s praise.
And even if someone else is pouring out vinegar on me, I need to realize that is the state of their heart at the moment. They may need some praise and encouragement. If they aren’t close enough to the spirit of God that their cup is overflowing abundantly with the fruit of the Holy Spirit straight from the source, maybe they need a friend in me since Christ lives in me. Maybe I need to bring Christ close to them, like the friends who cut open a roof to get their friend to Jesus.
This is humbling, but the only hope I have of getting sharper myself (or them getting sharper) is for us to be in the hands of the master.
I need to completely forgive them for their behavior towards me, lay down my foolish claims of “they started it”, ask them to forgive me for my petty reactions when I got offended by their words and actions, and praise them for so many things that are awesome about them. I need to repent and let God do the purifying work that needs to be done to my heart. Amen.
Harold J. Ballinger 