But I want to touch the hot stove top!!!
Last night we got to hear my daughter play in her band concert and enjoy her talents and her commitment to making music and the arts part of her life. We will get to hear her chorus concert next week. This weekend she will have friends over for her birthday party. We are getting to celebrate moments like this, and we get to be involved in the day to day commitment and challenges that allow for these celebrations. Teenage girl relationships are not always easy to navigate, and committing to practice is not always the most fun choice available to her in a given moment — but they are a part of the process.
I want my daughter to work hard, do well and succeed — but these are not the reasons that I love her. I cannot imagine disowning her (or my love for her ever ending) because of something shameful or foolish she might do in life. It isn’t her strength that I love, and I don’t hate the things about her that will improve over time with growth. She doesn’t have to earn my love — it is constant.
And as a father who loves his daughter and wants the best for her, love isn’t just letting her have her own way — it is helping her learn, teaching her discipline, correcting her, and sharing the values of wisdom and faith.
It seems that it is easy for us to be confused about God’s love for His children. We might hear things about “fearing God”, about “His wrath”, about “His law”, about “hell” — and be reminded of abusive people who want people to fear them, who are full of wrath and vengeance, and who enjoy hurting and torturing others — and we cannot see any good in serving, sorting, praising or worshipping such people. If we do not know God as a loving Father and do not trust that He is merciful, we might miss out on His love.
Since she was very young, we have taught my daughter that there are expectations that we should all have in our household when it comes to respectful behavior towards each other. We’ve also shared with her that we are helping her to grow into a healthy, responsible, caring, self-sufficient, and productive adult and that some of this long term growth may be contrary to her own wants, desires, passions, opinions, and feelings at any given moment. So having wise advisors that you can trust, who can provide outside perspective and not just be an echo chamber amplifying our own desires and demands of the moment — this is valuable.
Life comes with enough unexpected consequences for poor decisions — so when she was young, we tried to explain why certain decisions/choices were bad and set up known punishments/ consequences we could enforce to help her learn to avoid things that could be a very real danger later in life. Simple “rules” helped before she was old enough to be reasoned with. Then explanations, expectations and consequences when she could be taught precepts and concepts. And at some point it seems we might transition into more of a supportive advisor role.
My point in this is that we’ve had the concept of a belt, and she has understood very clearly from a young age what actions would result in the belt being used — and that was enough. We have never wanted to use it, and we have never had to use it on her — but she knew that we were WILLING to use it IF she demanded by her actions that we correct her in that way now — so that she wouldn’t establish patterns in her behavior that could be very dangerous to her as an adult.
This is how I see God as my good Father in Heaven. This is how I can have a reverent fear and awe of Him and of His mercy — because I know it is not that He demands that I arbitrarily do it “his way” just to satisfy his demands — no! He loves me and wants the best for me. He wants to protect me from things that are dangerous to me and that will steal from me. There is wisdom behind why he teaches me these things even when I might not feel like hearing them — because they are good for me! He even knows that at times when I’m feeling defiant, that I’m not going to want to hear Him, and that I’m going to sometimes try to ignore Him and do it my own way.
He doesn’t only love me when I’m “obedient” — in fact, it isn’t about being obedient to some arbitrary list of rules. A spoiled toddler might throw a tantrum about mommy and daddy saying “No” when they try to touch the hot stove top. But are so many of us spiritually still raging toddlers (who refuse to understand and trust that God’s guidance is wise and good and for our own benefit)?
It is see inspiring to realize how the favor of God is revealed when we listen to and follow His wisdom. He has created and architected everything — so trusting and following wisdom from Him is better than relying on our own strength. If one man has a detailed map of safe instructions for a long and dangerous journey, and another has a fun, fast car with loud music, the scent of drugs floating out of the windows and no plan or sense of direction — which of these will a wise person choose and which one is for the fool?
Lord, help us to appreciate and be in awe of the wisdom and guidance that you offer us. Help us to wait and trust when we cannot see it, help us to know your mercy and your love. When we have put ourselves in danger, please correction us not in anger but with what must be done to set us back on the path. Help us to learn wisdom and give up our foolishness. Help us to give up on striving for our own desires or even striving to prove our own worth and to rest in our Father’s love. Amen.
Psalms 147:10-11 AMP
[10] He does not delight in the strength (military power) of the horse, Nor does He take pleasure in the legs (strength) of a man. [11] The Lord favors those who fear and worship Him [with awe-inspired reverence and obedience], Those who wait for His mercy and lovingkindness.
Harold J. Ballinger 