http://bible.com/116/isa.30.20.nlt Though the Lord gave you adversity for food and suffering for drink, He will still be with you to teach you. You will see your teacher with your own eyes.

Not exactly the encouragement that I was hoping for this morning.

You know, I just wish it was easier.

I wish it was easier to love others.

I wish it was easier to trust others that have hurt me.

I wish that I hadn’t made so many mistakes in life so that the enemy can use them against me during the dark times.

I don’t like the adversity. I don’t like the suffering.

Why does my mind take me to such dark battlegrounds?

I come so close to feeling defeated. I lash out at the darkness. I don’t even know if I’m fighting with a real enemy or wrestling with the wind.

What is the lesson?

I’m tired,  I’m worn.

I’m no good to anyone like this.

Let me see your face,  let me understand. Teach me or destroy me,  Lord. Forgive me for my impatience, have mercy on me in your anger and discipline,  or I fear that I will not survive the fiery trials.

These struggles within my very being, it’s like two great warriors battling with each other. Let the evil one be overcome and cast from this place. Clean out this vessel to hold your Holy Spirit,  Lord.

Let me find peace. Let me know the comfort of testing in you.

Have mercy on your poor servant.

Strengthen me.

Restore me.